My financial security trial came to an abrupt halt when I had an intensive healing session and so much began to shift in me. After the session, which, incidentally, was for financial security, I was suddenly able to write a poem I had been wanting to write since last March. Day by day, as I rested after that healing session, my attention shifted to more spiritual endeavors.

After writing that poem, I realized that there could actually exist work I could do that I would love and be both confident and competent at – something which I had come to believe was impossible in this world. It would have to be work that was close to my soul, and I also realized that I had come a far distance from my soul over the traumatic decades.

Now, a month after that session, I am beginning to think that I could even do the kind of work I have been doing, translation and proofreading, and feel very good, just as long as I always focus more on my spirituality, and the work takes a back seat in my life.

I have abandoned all concern and worry and I have no idea what will happen to me. I have too little income to even buy food these days, have savings to last about 6 months, am looking for a cheaper apartment and have no idea what will happen or how this will change, if it does. I’m just meditating every day and doing spiritual things, doing work when it comes. I figured that for 8 months I was worried and scared about how I would live and pay rent and did all kinds of stuff to get more work, while absolutely nothing panned out. Why should I be in a tizzy all my life, frantically trying to secure an income for myself to no avail, when I could at least enjoy the money I have for as long as it lasts? The worst that can happen is that I will lose my apartment and have to either sell or find free storage for my things and become homeless.

Who cares, at this point. I’m dead sick of struggling to live. If life wants to kill me, let it.